Highlight #1: The Victim/Villain/Victor Triangle
When you've been hurt, you automatically become the Victim (wronged and suffering) AND the Victor (morally superior), while your partner becomes the Villain. This position feels emotionally satisfying—you have moral authority, vindication, and the comfort of certainty. But it costs you your actual power because it makes your healing completely dependent on them changing first. Learn to recognize this trap and choose differently.
Highlight #2: The Core Choice
Every relationship conflict presents a fundamental choice: Do you want to be right (moral framework, proving your case, collecting evidence) or do you want to be connected (relational framework, examining both experiences, moving forward together)? Choosing to be right gives you satisfaction but guarantees you stay stuck. Choosing to be connected requires releasing certainty but creates the possibility of actual healing. This choice determines everything.
Highlight #3: Grace—Power, Not Weakness
Grace isn't forgiveness or letting them off the hook. Grace is holding your perceptions as possibly true rather than absolutely true, maintaining power while creating space for change. But Grace works in TWO directions: toward your partner (releasing the scorecard, presuming best intentions) AND toward yourself (examining your unstated expectations, taking accountability for your reactivity). Grace isn't about them—it's about you reclaiming agency through internal-before-external.
About the webinar
When you've been genuinely hurt in your relationship, the victim position feels completely justified. You have moral authority, your pain is real, and your partner is clearly at fault. But this position—while emotionally satisfying—keeps you powerless, waiting for them to change before you can heal. This foundational webinar explores why the victim position is so seductive, what it protects you from (accountability, vulnerability, hard decisions), and what it costs you (connection, movement forward, your actual power). You'll discover the fundamental choice in every conflict: Do you want to be right, or do you want to be connected? And you'll learn how Grace—not as weakness but as reclaimed power—creates the possibility for change through the internal-before-external principle.
Brian T. Jones, LMHC PMHC
Marriage/Relational Psychotherapist Creator of FERNS Method Owner of BME Therapy Associates, LLC
Curriculum
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1
The Emotional Iceberg: Understanding What's Really Driving Your Arguments.
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(Included in full purchase)
The Victim Position Webinar
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(Included in full purchase)
Post-Webinar Exercise: "Establishing the Core Choice in the Victim Position"
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(Included in full purchase)
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